In early 2011,  I wrote a rant about Kendall’s abominable food scene, most specifically West Kendall, which has turned into the area’s hot tub of chain restaurants. Cadillac Ranch and Carmine’s La Trattoria officially opened to long waits and have been in operation for months now. Devon Seafood Grille, Corner Bakery Cafe and Souplantation & Sweet Tomatoes are slated to open in December. The surrounding area has also brought us BGR Burger Joint, Smash Burger, Joropo, Homefield Sports Bar and Grill (formerly Gatsby’s – like when you get married and you change your name, but not much else changes), Latin House Burger and Taco Bar, and last week the opening of the much anticipated Lime. More Sports Grills popped up, SooWoo Bistro opened to big hoopla and a Pasion Del Cielo got wedged between a Lime and a WOB out by Dadeland.

Last week, Eater Miami spawned a strange story about Kendall in their new section, Summer Guide – Kendall: Where to Take Visiting Friends to Eat and Drink. I applaud their endeavor and the restaurants included are not bad, but I’m not sure how many people would trek from Midtown or the Beach. It sounds hypocritical, I know, but it’s more of a location, location, location issue. Kendall is a dead end. Where do you go from there if you’re bored? It’s still a bit of a haul to SoMi. I’m curious to know the trekkers that come out to Kendall for reasons other than the ones listed below.

Reasons you’d end up in Kendall:

• You got lost and/or there was an accident on the turnpike detouring you into Kendall, ensuing some lostness.
• You need gas or a bathroom on the way to Homestead or the Keys.
• You are visiting your parents and/or grandparents.
• You heard that there is a great Loehmann’s.
• Your friend told you about this super sick new bar with hot girls, then you show up and it’s another Buffalo Wild Wings or Sports Grill.
• Your friend is on his/her deathbed.
• You’re going to go fishing in a canal.
• Your friend’s kid’s birthday i.e. free booze and bouncehouse, duh!
• You got sick of fighting for bar space during the Heat Finals. Nah, you just stayed at home.

There are many reasons to end up in Kendall, most of them suck. I’m still here. Why? I wear a Scarlet Letter, the K for Kendall.

My dream for Kendall: I hope that an extremely bored rich person sees my hopes for it and opens one or all of the following (and allows me to manage one of them): (1) A dive bar that is neither a sports bar or a medieval wonderland that serves microbrews, good wine, a couple of great, simple, and classic cocktails with a knowledgeable server and a jukebox that plays music worth listening to. (2) A proper brunch spot that isn’t IHOP or that other one that is an international pancake house, next to the Melting Pot, that is not to be confused with IHOP. (3) A restaurant a la Whisk or Yardbird.

Oh investor(s), are you out there?

Or I guess we can continue being every corporation’s dreamland.